A CONTEMPORARY SPIRITUALITY

When I was in my mid teens I used to walk, most often on a Sunday morning, on the edge of Epping Forest, not far from where we lived. I greatly valued those times of being alone, and the memories stay with me. Amidst the beauty of the trees, the views, and the silence & stillness, I would mull on three things. How Spurs had got on the previous day and would fare in the fixtures ahead. How I was getting on with my girl friend, or when I lacked one, whom I might desire. What was the meaning and point of life, and did God exist and if so, to what end? These avenues of exploration have stayed with me all my life. You might say that they have been foundational for me.

I was lucky enough to have had a number of different girl friends, I’ve been married twice, and I have been blessed with four wonderful daughters. My mother I remember as being unconditionally loving. I have a number of women friends whom I treasure. The feminine face of God is real for me. What more can an elderly man ask for?

I now see that God was addressing me in those mullings, and that He/She called me out to a life-long journey of spiritual exploration. I’ve had my ups and downs, my dark moments and glimpses of glory. I’ve mostly not known where I was being led, and as James Finlay wrote “God shields you from nothing and sustains you in everything.”

And then there’s been Spurs. I used to cycle across the Lea Valley with my mates, to watch them play at White Hart Lane, until I moved away. But you can’t change your footballing allegiance, and I’ve stayed a passionate Spurs supporter. My choice was made by the fellowship of my mates. My brother supports Port Vale because they’re from the Potteries where our father grew up. Our choice of team is rarely a considered one. Its as if you are given it.

Once the choice is made you have to stick with it, come what may. I began to watch Spurs well over 60 years ago. I havent seen a live game for a long time, but its often easy to watch them on tv, and there’s always the results and the gossip to keep up with. I am embarrassed to admit that as an old man I’m still lifted up or cast down by their latest result. I feel that I ought to be able to rise above such things, but I cannot. So this past season has been hard going. Spurs avoided the humiliation of relegation by winning the last game of the season 1-0.

Supporting a football team is in its way also an act of faith, you have to make an act of commitment, you have no control whatsoever over what happens, there will certainly be highs and lows, and yet ‘hope springs eternal’ before every match and at the start of every new season. You can see why for many its like a religion. One famous football manager was quoted as saying that ‘football is not a matter of life and death, its more important than that.’

I recall that when I was still newly ordained I did briefly wonder if I was being called to become a monk, but quickly dismissed the idea because I knew that I was too fond of women, and could not envisage a life without them. That has involved acts of faith in its way too. Some I didn’t consciously choose but have been deeply blessed by. Others I had less conscious choice over, for when Love [aka God] takes over choice tends to take a back seat.

I am intrigued to notice that the three questions of my teenage years have remained foundational throughout my life, have fed each other, and have developed along similar lines. Maybe that’s not surprising? I also notice that being in the natural world was, and remains, one of the go-to places for mulling [praying] about what matters most to me.